In due recognition of our government and military’s efficiency in reducing the spread of Talibanization over the years, it is recommended that land be allotted to each official in scenic locations in Swat, Bajaur and Waziristan. Please note that this is a partial list only – the contributions are endless and further nominations are welcome.
Each official can be given land commensurate with their contribution to providing citizens with liberty, education, health care and security.
A special allocation for former General Musharraf equal to 50 times the size of his Chak Shahzad farm house is proposed. This should provide ample space for him to fulfill his dream of ideal education for lesser privileged by opening a “model madrassah” as he always wished. Actually, like most people, we too are not sure if he’s already achieved his dream, but, to give him benefit of doubt, we’ll still offer this choice land to him. And we assure him, he’ll not be asked to sell vegetables like he was by the CJ in Islamabad. Matta is a nice place, we hear.
Mr. Ejaz ul Haq and the scions of Akhtar Abdul Rahman may be given adjacent land to offer timely professional help to the general in this project. The citizens do understand the pre-occupation of Rahman brothers in reaping previous rewards, but as an incentive, we can point out that Sufi Cola and Haqiqi Mithas Sugar business will certainly thrive there.
Senior intelligence officers, including the heads of agencies who had “tea breaks” at one kilometer distance while the Lal Masjid din was building to a crescendo, may also be offered a place to listen to their favorite music again.
Hameed Gul may be given a mountain top for him to daily gaze at Afghanistan and search for strategic depths. Shaukat Aziz may also be given a high spot so the others can witness their favorite game of trickle down prosperity from a distance – as usual.
Fazlur Rahman be offered a special license to prospect for diesel – no refining required, we’re sure he’ll find it, only a fatwa required to turn crude oil into diesel. Money to be funded, as usual, by his friend Azam Swati or cowhides (depending on health of Mr. Swati’s credit line in UAE or Citibank).
Finally, our esteemed conspiracy theorists be also offered observation spots so that they can go on with their vocation in life. Mr. Zaid Hamid can sell brass handicrafts for subsistence and, in his free time – which we’re sure he and his colleagues are blessed with in abundance – also find new interpretations and contexts to Iqbal’s work.
Fletcher Memorial, anyone?