Dear PM, While You Were Away!

Yousaf Raza Gillani
Prime Minister of Pakistan
Presidential Suite
Churchill Hotel
London

Sub: While You Were Away

Dear Yousaf

I pray this finds you in greatest of health and highest of spirits.

It felt really good that although your trip must have been packed with various activities, meetings, etc., purely in our national interest, you decided to take along 90 most deserving individuals who have worked so very hard for long. Indeed the development which has taken place during your tenor is exemplary and those individuals must have needed a break.

While you are away, we, here, are also having a wonderful time and I thought it would only be fair to keep you abreast so that there is not a moment during your trip that you think about what is happening back home and worry about it.

As I stood waiting for a bus at the stop amidst the routine hustle and bustle of life while the heat was killing me, a bus came to an almost stop and the damn driver decided to press the accelerator. Not his fault! Another bus of the same route had pulled up and you know very well that situation becomes a life and death situation for both the drivers. As a result, three poor women fell while a few, while trying to get out of the way, tripped over the fallen women and got injured. Can you imagine, right then, as I watched, a couple of young men came and pretended to help the women get up while they both had guns and conveniently decided to rob these women off of the very few currency bills they had. You know me well! I just couldn’t just stand and watch. I tried to stop these men so one of them turned around and hit me on the head with his gun. I bled a little and some good souls took me to the hospital. Just a few stitched and I was up and about. But you know what, as I was being treated in the hospital, I felt immediate peace as I thought of you. I could just feel the pleasure you must have felt flying in that very special airplane and then being received in London in about 25 to 30 odd most expensive fleet of cars. I am sure they were air-conditioned! Were they? I have heard the roads are also like carpet and you hardly feel the car being driven. I could just feel you and the 90 people who went with you, and I tell you, all my pain went away. I just thought to myself, those who work hard for me and my nation and serve the country in the manner you and those 90 people have, deserve to be treated like kings. The feeling took over me and I almost forgot all the pain I had gone through.

I left from the hospital and started walking home which wasn’t very far. The usual riff raff on the way! A few yells here, a few curses there, police standing at the corner as I waited forever to try and cross the street and I’ll be damned if it mattered to those law enforcement agents! Phewww!!! Almost three to four times I decided to cross the road but had to run back because of on-coming traffic. During this running back and forth, my shoe lost the sole. Once again, I thought of your ride from the airport to Churchill Hotel and I thought, what the hell, who am I anyways and what have I done besides paying hefty taxes to deserve such privileges. And once again I found myself in complete serenity.

Finally when I got home, thinking of the roads and the drive you must have been enjoying, I sat and waited for what felt like hours, for the electricity to come back. Watching the news was not at all shocking as the number of people dying in Karachi were a few lesser than normal. Some goons had gotten into the market at Saddar and opened fire. Consequently, a few people took to the streets and tossed stones in all directions. But that no big deal at all. The good news is, the number of death were not at all as bad as the usual. By the time you must have been resting in the hotel, a few students manhandled the principal of a college who tried to stop them from cheating. Not at all bad. Once again, it was better than yesterday because the teacher who was beat up yesterday for the same reason lost some blood too! So there is good news for you.

As I learnt that the 90 people were up and about in the fleet of the most luxurious cars specially employed for the purpose, some idiots in your city of Multan were out on the streets again! I guess they will never learn! Nothing new, I think it was the prolonged load-shedding again whch brought them out on the streets! The routine tools were employed by the police to disperse the crowd but the people managed to block the road for a few hours. During this time, while you must have been having some snacks in your air-conditioned suite, a woman was trying to take her one and a half year old to the hospital. Since the roads were blocked due to protests, the kid died in the car only. Good news is, I am sure it probably saved her a lot of money. People just need to look at the bright side. Had the kid remained alive, God knows how many times he might have fallen sick in his life and you know well, the charges of medical treatment, that is, if you find a doctor. And then the schooling and what not. So once again, thought to share this good news with you. How lucky is she.

By the way, do you remember that PPP guy who had committed suicide? I am just full of good news while I write this letter and it is but utmost pleasure to be writing to you at this time. Pardon the interjection! Coming back to the PPP worker, Bilawal was very kind and actually gave the widow PKR 1.2 million. Isn’t that nice of him. I am sure the gesture was very well received. And it just might make a few more workers kill themselves, at least they will die in peace as they know the families will be taken care of only if they commit suicide.

I hear that for the security personnel, the authorities there have arranged for food from a famous Pakistani restaurant. For some reason this came to my mind as I went out to get “naans” and about six to seven little children with runny noses started tugging on my kurta for some food! For you and other VIPs, I heard that the food is being arranged for from within Hotel Churchill. Is that so? Do let me know how was the food. I am sure it is amazingly delicious. And don’t worry about those poor kids. I gave them a couple of “naans” they will be okay.

Some imbeciles blew up the great Pushto Poet Ajmal Khatak’s mazaar. Fortunately, no one was hurt at all. Just the mazaar itself has been damaged. I am sure Khatak Sahib must be thinking “mar ke bhi chein na aaya to kidher jayeinge!” But I am sure, wherever he is, he must be very happy thinking that you are safe and are having a peaceful and good time.

Anyways, I must go now, have to get up early and work again. Since most of my money is being so very well spent by you, I honestly don’t mind working a few extra hours to make sure my utility bills are paid on time. You have a great time now. Everything is great here so no worries okay!

Till we meet again, all the best and have a great time. We are all well here.

Ali

Ali Rahman

Ali.sher.rahman@gmail.com
Twitter @Baahirezaman