Humor: PPP’s Annual Press Release

Annual Report – September 15, 2008

Management Discussion and Analysis (MDNA) – Brief

The Permanent Plunder Party (PPP) Co. is extremely pleased to announce the results from the success of its “Say What You Don’t Mean” (SWYDM) pills that were designed to induce “hallucinations” and spur episodes of “selective amnesia” among the general public in Pakistan. The past year has witnessed an unprecedented level of success for SWYDM’s as they have been widely applied throughout Pakistan. “The development of these pills demonstrates the exceptional ingenuity of the research team of PPP Co and the far-reaching vision of its leaders,” stated Larry Rehman, Director of Mass Communication Campaign of the PPP.

The SWYDM’s are the culmination of a long and strenuous development process that spanned multiple continents as the research was simultaneously undertaken in Pakistan, Dubai, London and New York/Washington. As one of its architects, Mr. AAZ acted as a test subject. The initial dose induced multiple side effects; Stephen Reich, a psychiatrist from New York State, said “AAZ was unable to recall the birthdays of his wife and children and had thought about suicide,” and “I do not see any improvement in these issues for at least a year,” he wrote in a medical report.

However, the world-class team of Mr. MISIX Malik, Cia Haqqani and Dr Zulfriend Mirza were able to reverse the negative side effects of increased dosage from SWYDM. By December of 2007, the top-notch researchers orchestrated the realignment of PPP Co’s products and catapulted SWYDM into the company’s leading product discontinuing the previous market leader. “The secret and patented procedure has done wonders for the fortunes of the PPP Co,” said FA Babar, PPP Co’s principal spokesman.

The tremendous success of this revolutionary product is evident from the abrupt hallucinations that many of its subjects utter in public. They include utterances such as “we are making the judiciary independent“, “the BHAOO (Monster) is after us“, “Zinda hai BB Zinda hai“, “The entire country would be lit up by 2009 and there will be no load shedding“. The impact in terms of selective amnesia is nothing less than spectacular also. “It’s not because of the judiciary movement that the parties have come into power,” “I never said that judiciary would be restored,” “AAZ has never been convicted,” “We want reconciliation,” “we are strengthening democracy“.

In our quest to become the market leader in Pakistan, we entered into partnerships with the Nawaz Inc and the MOAT QI MANZOORI (MQM) Ltd. Unfortunately, the product of Nawaz Inc proved to be incompatible with SWYDM as it reversed many of the desired effects. Therefore, Nawaz Inc’s productline has been removed from the center and attempts are currently underway to discontinue its use within Punjab through the assistance of our chief Punjab instigator, Mr. Taseer and Mr. personification of law and constitution himself, Farooq Naek. We are confident that the honorable Dog-ar court would grant us the exclusive rights to sale SWYDM’s in Punjab. We are very optimistic that the Partnership between Mr. Hussain, CEO of MQM Ltd and PPP Co would transform Pakistan into a nation shaped by grand hallucinations and targeted amnesia.

The USA Inc has expressed interest in obtaining rights to test its newly manufactured MDS in the North Western regions of Pakistan. The details are currently under discussion though our company expects to generate royalty payments of $15 billion through this arrangement.

The fiscal year 2008 has proven to be the most successful in PPP Co’s history and we anticipate a great future for our firm through the assistance of our strategic partners. For further discussion, please refer to the complete MDNA and the enclosed financial statements.

PPP Co
Zardarihouse, Islamabad

[Courtesy: Emergency Times Mailing List]